Its 52 days until Christmas… and Hallmark is already 5 days into its ‘Countdown to Christmas’ movie-thon.
For those not in the know (people with a life), every year Hallmark kicks off its “Countdown to Christmas” program of non stop Christmas movies between Halloween (yes, you read it right), and New Years Day.
Yes, ‘non stop’. As in all-damn-day-long. Yes as you’re busy trying to untangle your fake cobwebbing from the bushes, and breathing a sigh of relief that Thanksgiving is still weeks away you could have been partaking in such delights as ‘The Best Christmas Party Ever” or ‘The Christmas Parade’.
But don’t fear, I”m here to catch you up on what you might have missed, and to whet your appetite for two.whole.months of Christmas.
In the mood for some bad puns? How about “Its Christmas, Carol!” or “Fir Crazy”? Hysterical right?
Want to keep the focus purely on the family? “Home & Family”, “Baby’s First Christmas” or “Family for Christmas” should mentally nauseate you into rethinking that trip to Hawaii for the holidays.
How about a little chuckle? “A Very Merry Mix up”, “A Christmas Detour” or the “Santa Incident” sound like occasions for some laughs. Of the most soporific kind.
Romance – of course – is a huge feature of Christmas and for all you single ladies out there, the choices are positively awash this November ?? Get inspired!!
“Tis the Season for Love” (I thought it was Turkey)
“Matchmaker Santa” (because that’s who I want choosing my lover)
“Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus’ (Nothing sexier than a beard and some boots)
“A Boyfriend for Christmas” (does he arrive in stockings?)
“A Bride for Christmas” (That’s one for Santa’s list )
“Snow Bride” (or as we call it, spring weddings in Colorado)
“A Holiday Engagement” (sounds like a trip to the OBGYN)
“A Princess for Christmas” (just for Christmas?)
“Hitched for the Holidays” (because they’re not stressful enough)
“Santa Switch” (now this sounds promising)
“A Divas Christmas Carol” (the only one not married or dating this season)
“Merry Matrimony” (whoever they are, I hate them already)
“Northpole” (if he’s Italian, send him over please)
I seriously gave up listing movies here as I was starting to sense that a)the only people watching Hallmark are single ladies who dream about fantastical situations where they find themselves suddenly dressed up like Elsa in Frozen and b) I realized that I was one of those people and c) I felt nauseous.
<insert diatribe on social norms and media stereotypes>
So there you have it.. a brief selection of “movies”, (yes movies with casts and cameras and money being spent) from the now-in-progress Hallmark ‘Countdown to Christmas’. Going on 24 hours a day for the next 2 months. Set your DVR.
Note to Self: You do not want romance for Christmas. You want gloves.