Its been a quiet summer here at Chez Chien. I’ve ridden a lot, developed some really pretty callus’s on my ass while my arms have withered to pipe-cleaners; I’ve barely drank, adopted shaved Brussel sprouts and fish as a daily obsession, and weirdly, not dated.
Its been 7 years to the day since I was divorced, an anniversary I don’t remember until I do, and if you believe in the ‘7 year cycle‘ theory, ages 35-42 should have been all about ‘re-assessing the results of what we are doing externally in our life. Our relationships, careers, habits and the ways we interact are all put under scrutiny and modified or changed. It’s a time of facing up to what does and what doesn’t satisfy us.’
Which I think means figuring out exactly who you are. And here I just thought it was 7 years of crappy dates.
But re-reading Steiner’s theory, I do have to agree with some of his ideas. I have in the last 7 years experimented with all kinds of ‘selves’ and discovered so much more about myself that I thought. For instance;
- I’ve moved from being a home bound introvert to someone who now regularly shows up for stuff without knowing a soul and can chat about anything without dying (as long as you’re not an attractive single dude. Jury’s out on that still).
- I’ve grown out quite the mane of hair and discovered I’ll never be a comfortable girlie girl, no matter what guys like, so cut it off and have already been called “sonny” twice. Still have big tits…still not girlie.
- I’ve ridden my motorcycle across the Utah desert and discovered that I prefer the unbridled joy of downhilling on pedals sans motor. Time to sell the Guzzi and admit that I’m not the greaser I thought I was.
- I’ve vacationed in 5 star hotels, camped alone and with others across the US and overseas.. but found out that my best times have been pitched on someone’s sofa after a home cooked meal in a house filled with love. So much for the allure of the Ritz.
- I’ve enjoyed hours of being tattood and can admit I liked the pain more than the result. Ah well, live and learn.
- I’ve discovered that anxiety can be quelled with yoga, meditation and trust.. not so much with wine. So I’ve done away with the notion that I’ll always be the one with the big bottle of Xanax in her purse
- I’ve discovered that while I love men, I’m not so desperate to date one if it means he’s a hoarder, extremely angry, emotionally retarded, fiscally irresponsible, mentally challenged, hung like a puppy or socially limited. I love sex, but FWB, texting and ‘lets hang out’ can kiss my ass.. I’m a grown up for gods sake.
- I now know that my priorities in life aren’t the same as everyone elses. And thats ok. I’m no longer ashamed that my bikes are the most valuable thing I own and that I rent rather than own. Everyone has different things they care about. That includes houses, cars, jobs, friends and yes, even how much you walk your dog.
- And finally, the biggest lesson. You are not your parents. You may have elements of your parents, but they are not you, and you are not them. You can love them to death but you are not bound to become them. And that little insight only took 7 years of therapy to realize.
So if that 7 year cycle is now over.. what do I have coming next?
According to Steiner ‘ It is as if one takes all of one’s life experience up till this age and begins to digest it, and extract from it new ideals and a new direction in life. There is often tremendous unrest in this period and that following it. The unlived aspects of life cry out to be recognised and allowed. The desire to make a mark in life if it has not already been achieved presses for action here’
Oooo. Now that sounds interesting. Rock climbing and visiting China for sure.