Back when I was 7. Back when you might receive a hand made card with check marks for indicating your level of interest, and the smell of Pritt stick glue scented your desk throughout your day. Yep, V day was awesome.
Then I hated it.. for oooooo…. (what year is it???).. eleventy million years. Largely because I didn’t receive any cards or flowers, and I tended to date men who verbally derogated the Hallmark holiday. But I liked the original intent of cards sent to indicate interest from anonymous admirers. These days we only have Craigslist Missed Connections, and dickpics tend to feature a little more heavily than they did back in the day. I guess romance has changed since 1978.
For us singletons, the run up to Valentines day is peppered by numerous articles in every form of media telling you how to ‘survive it’ or ‘celebrate yourself’ in lieu of a lover. You can ignore the whole thing, host a ‘singles party’ (I can’t think of anything sadder), or grinch through Friday with gritted teeth and your head down while inwardly chanting ‘commercial bastardization of affection’. Its all fairly trite since anything you plan to do, specifically on that day (with the exception of a mammogram or a colonoscopy), is just a variation on celebrating love or consoling yourself for not being loved (not be a downer on non invasive procedures, but I don’t consider them a sign of love).
Even the most extroverted party girl, who’s hosting a ‘I love myself’ party with other singletons is going to end the evening wishing she had someone to make out with. Sorry, but its true. So whether you’re forcing yourself to ignore Michelle’s squeals of delight at the red rose delivery, rolling your eyes at the pink candy display at the grocery store or ordering Hellraiser OnDemand with a manic grin, here’s some positive things to consider about being single on Valentines day.
1. You are not going to be spending the weekend with a UTI/ major chafing
2. All that pink wrapped candy goes on sale on Sunday and it’ll be 50% off by next week.
3. You don’t have to spend Monday realizing how annoying your boyfriend/spouse/partner actually is
4. You can probably get laid on Friday night just by walking into a bar (partnered people don’t hit the bar on Valentines day).
5. You can skip that shave on Friday night/ keep those legs stubbly for another weekend. And don’t even think about a Brazilian.
6. Since you’re not going to be wining and dining on Friday night, every low rent joint in town is going to be empty. Time to make the most of those $2 beers and $3 shots.
7. Junkfoodapollosa! Time to indulge in that 2lb smothered burrito washed down with a few pints of beer and a tub of icecream. No one is seeing you naked so go.crazy.
8. Activities that no-one does on Valentines evening: Bowling, hitting the gun range, art walks, yoga… anything which involves sweating. No lines!
9. Since V day hits on a Friday this year, both Friday and Saturday night are ‘romantic’ evening’s out for the coupled up. Thursday and Monday you’ll have no problems snagging a table at the hottest restaurant in town.
10. Need extra cash?.. baby sitter fees are $$$$ this weekend. Any thing a 14 yr old girl can do, I think we can handle. Ask around and rake in $80 for watching TV and eating pizza….
So whether you’re a ‘kick V day in the balls’ type of a person or ‘ignore it’ type of a dude, just be happy that you’re not shelling out $$$$ for 12 sad sack roses or trying to get sexy after scoffing that chocolate lava cake.