You can’t smoke that in here

stoner lincolnFor those who aren’t hugely tied up in the consumption of weed (or who’ve been living under a rock), pot (aka, MJ, weed, marijuana, ‘the green’) will be sold legally in Denver (without prescription) starting on January 1, 2013.

Over the last year, when the ordinance was approved by Denver voters, the city council has been working out the finer details of how Denver residents can legally burn up, without leading to a mass hysteria (presumably by those not imbibing). At this point they’re refining the details around when, how, where and what is going to happen on January 1 (most of which has yet to be announced), and all seems to be proceeding fairly calmly (wonder why?) until I read a local newspaper report this week.

Apparently the council is stuck on one matter: can you, or can you not, blaze up a dooby on your front porch? Literally – they’re debating whether you can stand on your own property and smoke. No matter than for most of the middle of the country, smoking the thing at all is heresy, and the US is still officially fighting a ‘war on drugs’ which includes the drug in questions.. but nope, in Denver, we’re stuck on whether you can smoke outside, in view of the street or not. Because you know.. someone might see you – like your kids, your neighbors or your boss. Smoking… legally. Quell horror!

Never mind that this drug will be as legal as cigarettes come January 1, the council is taking into consideration the notion that some people don’t like to see other people imbibing mood altering substances (you know, like tobacco. Or alcohol). So to avoid protests from suburban moms objecting to Bob blazing up while he’s mowing the lawn, the council is trying to legislate where you can legally smoke on your own property. And they’re banning smoking on the front porch.

Yep, sounds like a stoner decision to me.

So Bob, take that massive joint and head back inside to the wife, the kids and the dog. That’s way more appropriate.

Which got me thinking. If the real issue that concerns the council (with only 27 days to go), is whether people can see you getting high or not, have any of these people actually smoked this stuff? I  hardly think watching smoking is going to be the issue – after all, from a distance, smoking looks like smoking.  I think the council is missing the big issue for our suburban moms, the kids, the neighbors etc… the smell.

As anyone who’s attended a Phish, scratch that, any outdoor concert can attest, the smell of weed is pungently unique. Its a strong, sweet and delicious smell to anyone – even those who don’t dabble. No-one over the age of 14 in Colorado is confused about what that smell is, so whether Bob is smoking in his front yard, his back yard, hot boxing his Town & Country minivan or hunkering in his man cave, people (adults, kids, dogs, anyone within a 500 yd radius) are going to know. Which begs the next question.

Is Denver council afraid of a smell?  Are we legislating access to an odor?

You can drink wine on your front porch. You can smoke tobacco on the front porch, hell you can sleep, eat and even brew beer out there, but to ban smoking the green out there?

That can only be the work of stoners.

Good luck Denver.



2 thoughts on “You can’t smoke that in here”

  1. If it is legal, but you can’t smoke it on your own property, where will you be able to smoke it? I don’t see why smoking on your front porch should be illegal. After all, people who don’t want to smoke tobacco inside their houses go outside on their porch or driveway to smoke, and others don’t seem bothered by it. Probably smoking anything would be better done outdoors. Except crack. Don’t smoke that at all.


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