The case for women over 35

Robin-Wright-David-Roemer-Evening-Standard-02I was reading OKCupid blog this weekend and I have to share the awesomeness that came from their stats blog. If you’re over 35 and feeling sorta depressed about dating.. this one is for you. In fact, I want to trumpet this news from the rooftops, but since I live in a condo and I’m scared of heights, I’ll settle for some vague mumbling as I walk around Whole Foods and this blogpost.

The premise that OkCupid puts forward is this:

As a woman, the older you are, the harder it is to date

(I know, tell me about it).

But this isn’t just because there are less single people out there. The real reason is down the to skew that occurs in men’s preferred age range for dating. Men date younger and younger women the older they get. (Something completely evident as soon as you walk into a Houstons or Elways).

But its not just limited to sugar daddy’s and 50 something divorcees.. No siree.. By age 23, men are looking for women only 1-2 years older than themselves but at least 4-5 years younger. And  as they get older, this skews even younger and younger- peaking at age 48, when men will consider dating a 48 year old woman, BUT also everyone younger than her down to 28. (OkCupid has the charts to prove it).

“With a ‘token’ upper limit right around his age, the majority of men are dating 5,10, even 15 years younger the older they get.”

What’s even worse, according to OK Cupid, is that the average guy is spends a considerable amount of time messaging women even younger than their stated minimum. So no matter what the guy says on his ‘site page’, a 30 year-old man spends as much time messaging 18 and 19 year-olds as he does women his own age. And your 48 year old? Apparently messaging 22 year olds.


So if you’re a 41 year old women, you’re not only competing for attend from other 40 somethings, factor in the 30 somethings and even the 20 somethings.

No wonder we’re not getting much play.

Women, ignored by their male peers after their early 30’s, start increasing their response rate to older and older guys… since they’re the only ones who are paying attention. So your average 30 year old chick is actually already starting to respond to 40 yr old guys, and us 40 somethings are left with the sexagenarians.

In fact, by the time a woman is 48, her chances of meeting something via a dating site is 50% that of a guys.

But..put down the butter knife, hands off the Xanax… OkCupid says ‘oh hells no’.

Because here’s the dirty little secret.. based on OkCupid stats, we’re actually a more attractive match for guys than they think (no matter how deep our crows feet are).


Cos we like sex more.

In fact, OkCupid asked woman a bunch of sex related questions and mapped them according to age. Here are a few indicators of our apparently rampant sexuality;

  • 75% of 39 year old women, when asked, said that sex is one of their favorite activities. By comparison only 25% of 18 year olds agreed.
  • 74% of 34 year olds, said that they were fine with casual sex compared to 55% of 18 year olds
  • 81% said they enjoyed giving oral sex, compared to 63% of 19 year olds
  • 40% of 34 year olds said they’d consider a threesome, compared to just 29% of 24 year olds

Other preferences which OkCupid found about older women

  • We apparently like to dominate more in bed
  • We use contraception and get tested regularly
  • Our self confidence is at 95% by age 39

and here’s the big one for most commitment-phobic guys…

  • 96% of us are ok being in a relationship that won’t lead to marriage by the age of 36.

So, before you start questioning your profile or wondering ‘what in hell is wrong with me?’ know that you’re probably dating to young. And that goes for you too guys. Nothing wrong with dating a 35 or 40 year old chick.. you know, if you like sexy confident women who might be into a threesome?

Just sayin’.

3 thoughts on “The case for women over 35”

  1. The rule I heard is half the guys age plus 7 is acceptable. Less than that starts to get a bit creepy. The older woman/sex thing is all about self-confidence. Most young women don’t really know wha they want and are embarrassed to ask for it if they do.


  2. Personally I’ve always preferred older women — for many of those reason you list above — and as I’ve gotten older, I still prefer older women.


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