Today the innernet was awash with the racist remarks following the crowing of *gasp* a brown Miss America. And while the mainstream media focused on the visual delights of chicks in bikinis and heels, the non mainstream was steaming about the Twitter rants which indicated much of America still hasn’t figured out that there are differences between India, Arabs, Al Qaeda and Muslims. And boy, they really weren’t ashamed about broadcasting their ignorance.
- ‘9/11 was 4 days ago, and she gets Miss America?’
- ‘I’m literarily (sic) sooo mad right now an Arab won’
- ‘How the fuck does a foreigner win Miss America?’
- We have a black president and an Asian Miss America. This ain’t Merica no more guys.
- Don’t you have to be American to win Miss AMERICA this bitch is some type of Indian..
That Nina Davuluri, an Indian-American woman born in Syracuse (NY) instantly became a foreigner, an Arab and somehow linked to terrorism is beyond me. Most worryingly was that many of these posts came from college kids.. the supposed ‘smartest’ of the next generation.
Sorry ‘merica, the melting pot is apparently full. Only native Christian whiteys allowed in our kids future. So, as a foreigner myself, I felt it my moral duty to set some of these confused people straight with my very own ‘Whitey’s Guide to other People’
Not all brown people are terrorists. I know, I know it might seem like everyone on Fox News with tanned skin and a shouty disposition is out to destroy ‘Merica but honestly, that doesn’t make them terrorists. In fact, even if they are brown, holding a machine gun, burning an effgy of President Obama and shouting ‘death to infidels’ they still not might actually be a terrorist. Sure they might be angry.. but it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily planning to blow up something. There’s a big difference. After all, Timothy Mcveigh was never spotted dancing around a town square with a machine gun before he killed 168 people. And Richard Reed (the shoebomber) couldn’t get any whiter.. the dude was from England and wearing Columbia hiking boots. So dancing around and chanting in public really doesn’t correlate now does it? So unless Miss Nina Davuluri was actually wearing a bomb tied to her chest.. I think we can safely assume she wasn’t out to terrorize anyone last night (though her yellow dress was pretty shock inducing at moments).
So how do you spot a terrorist then? Well the NSA, the FBI and the CIA haven’t figured it out, so I doubt you, Mr. Go_Buckeyes has it figured out. Lets just leave it to the smart people for now and you can focus your ‘informed’ labeling elsewhere.
Muslims can be any color. They can be even be white. *gasp*. I know.. right? Which means you can’t spot a Muslim by the color of his or her skin. And since Muslims can also originate from most any country (Europe, China, African, Asia, you name it).. well the language they’re babbling in isn’t really a give away either. They might even have an American accent. Sheeet. Well how do you spot one then? Since Muslims make up 23% of the world’s population, I’m guessing that if you have 10 friends, you probably already know one. Is Miss Nina Davuluri a Muslim? Who knows.. and really, who really cares what flavor of heavenly being she looks up to? Unless its Voldemort, I think we’ll be ok America.
What is an Arab? I know.. tricky. Rides a camel? Lives in the desert? Wants to kill ‘Mericans? Actually Arabs are defined by their culture, not by their race.. and in ‘Merica, they’re actually classified as ‘white/caucasian’. *gasp* They’re not even considered ‘brown‘. Slippery buggers ain’t they? Most of the Arabs live in the Arab League of States which covers all those dusty countries with all the oil, and when I last checked, Miss Nina Davuluri hails from Syracuse. I don’t think they have oil, do they? I know for sure they don’t have camels.
Indians are citizens India or descendants of those citizens. No, they’re not Arabs (that’s a culture not a place) and few are Muslims (in fact 80% are peace loving Hindus). Which makes them generally…generally…not into blowing ‘Merica up. In fact, some of them have been in ‘Merica longer than whitey – the first documented East Indian landing in Jamestown in 1635, which actually makes ’em more ‘Merican that you. And yes, they are brown and therefore easy spot. But since 71% of them have bachelors degrees (only 28% of ‘Mericans do) and 40% have Masters, its probably because you work for them. Is Miss Nina an Indian? Well her Dad’s a obgyn and she holds a degree from U of Michigan, so you do the math.
Foreigners are tricky bastards. They’re not easy to spot at all. Foreigners can have any accent (even goddam Canadians sounds ‘Merican) and gosh darn it, some of them can come from other countries and then actually become ‘Mericans themselves. Fuckers. Like Muslims and terrorists they can also be any color. Tricky little assholes aren’t they? You can probably spot them though via their love of America (they love our flag), their hard work ethic (they love our jobs) and desire to never claim anything from the government (they believe in the ‘Merican dream and doing it for themselves). I know, I know.. slippery ain’t they? If someone says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, opens the door for your woman and seems weirdly fine with waiting in line for hours at a time… I think its safe to say they’re foreigners. Is Miss Nina a foreigner? Well she says was born in Syracuse, New York, but we’ve not yet seen a birth certificate .. so the juries out as far as I’m concerned.
So there you have it, Whiteys Guide to Other People. Better lucky next time spotting your Arabian Muslim terrorist.
You’re welcome ‘Merica.