The HuffPo, a fairly sensible online rag (if leaning so far to the left they’re practically horizontal), recently published an article that made me so damn angry I had to check to make sure I hadn’t accidentally clicked on FoxNews.com. Entitled ‘ 23 things women should stop doing’ it wasn’t the content that irked me, but that anyone had written the damn thing at all. Since when did anyone, men or women, need to be told what to ‘stop doing’ without any qualifier or purpose. Sure, tell me to stop doing X in order to lead to Y, but just carte blanche – ‘stop doing this’.. WTF?
But, I was curious. What was it that all women needed to stop doing (to have a better life? to be happier? to be thinner? to be less tiresome to men?). If I stop all 23 will I reach nirvana? And are we that consistent and challenging a gender that there are actually 23 things that every single one of us needs to cease?
Hmm. Let me think.
- Murder? Nope, mostly a male thing (77% of all victims or 80% of all perps) .
- Cheating? Well, its pretty even, but yes, once again, men have the edge at 57% to our 54%
- Rape? Well despite the massive Catholic church scandal of the last 20 years, women still are largely the victims of rape (9 out of 10)
Ok, so the article is clearly not going to be addressing the major crimes in society. I couldn’t help myself, I had to click;
- Stop saying ‘yes’ to everything
- Stop apologizing
- Stop comparing yourself to others
- Stop wearing heels
- Stop fearing the label ‘crazy’
- Stop fearing being alone
Oh, ground breaking stuff indeed. What erked me more was that it was a woman who generated this banal list of requirements. Because women don’t have enough people telling them what they should and should not be doing… ? We need to add more to the list? C’mon ladies.. can we just get on with living instead of telling each other how to live ‘better’? We don’t need more GOOP in our life…
So instead I’ve decided to create my own list. You rarely see guys writing this shit and frankly, I think men could use a bit more guidance in life. So here it is..
23 things that all men should stop doing.
(NOTE: some of these are required by law and others are just things that annoy the shit out of me..)
- Stop killing each other
- Stop raping women (and each other.. unless you specified it on your Grindr profile)
- Stop telling women what they can and can’t do with their bodies
- Stop declaring war to advance the interests of oil and defense companies
Phew.. now thats out of the way.. we can get to the stuff that really matters…
5. Stop saying all women are crazy. We’re just as crazy as you jackasses.
6. Stop believing that tit size and brain size are inversely proportional. I know plenty of flat-chested idiots and chesty brainiacs.
7. Stop expecting women to fake it. (while you’re at it.. lose that chip when we don’t)
8. Stop wearing baseball hats after 30 ( we know you’re balding and that you don’t play for the Yankees)
9. Stop smoking so much weed. Stoner stupidity doesn’t make you more attractive and frankly, we think its kinda dumb.
10. Stop leaving relationships without telling me. A simple ‘goodbye’ would save me a lot of reasons to check my phone/the obits.
11. And while you’re at it, please stop texting me to set up dates. I am not 14.
12. Stop being such a baby when you’re sick. Try bleeding and cramping every month for 50 years and then get back to me.
13. Stop treating women in the workplace differently than men. No, I don’t want to grab you a coffee. Do you want to grab one for me?
See I can’t even get to 23. I’m clearly lacking some estrogen. But then I honestly don’t have that much invested in telling guys what to do.. frankly they don’t waste their time reading stupid lists written by people with too much time on their hands and, anyway, they’re not known for taking direction particularly well. They’re too busy thinking about sex and playing pocket snooker… oh and running shit.
So before you click on the next ’30 ways to drive your man wild’ or ’15 ways to lose 1lb’ consider how else you could be spending that time. There’s a reason why men rule the world.. and maybe their lack of interest in reading stupid lists might have something to do with it.