Princess Pan

Princess Pan

The Huffington Post, my usual source for all things rational, recently published an article on the female equivalent of the boy who didn’t want to grow up, Peter Pan. According to the author, there are a whole slew of women who just don’t.want.to.grow.up. Thinking I was in for a read about plastic surgery and women in micro minis, I was appalled to read that apparently being a ‘Princess Pan’ is as simple as not wanting kids, not buying a house and watching reality tv.

I’m apparently a Princess Pan because I watch Ink Master?

I was pretty shocked to hear that due to my inability to find a long term partner, afford a house down payment or desire some rug rats I am deemed immature, selfish and ‘childlike’. I’m a perpetual fantasist who’s refusing to grow up? 

Have you met me? Childlike is a term no-one has applied to me, ever. I’ve worried about getting enough sleep since I was 14, and I’ve loved cardigans since birth.

I always thought my life choices were based on my desire to do fun things and not spend all of my time and money renovating bathrooms and choosing throw pillows. I tried it – the house, the husband and the fancy glasses – but frankly, it wasn’t as much fun as I thought and since I’m a firm believer in ‘once around’ I choose my choices (?) based on that. Apparently I was wrong. I’m a single renter with a lot of friends, hobbies and fun because I refuse to grow up. Who knew?

I thought that my love of cycling was based on a life long affinity for exploration and mindless exercise, but apparently its just a way to deny my adulthood by doing something childish. To qualify as a adult I apparently need to put away childish things and go get knocked up. Bikes are for kids.. not adults. (someone needs to explain that to Andreas Kloden)

I thought I sold my house because it was sucking up all of my time and energy and it had exhausted my savings account. Apparently I just wasn’t trying hard enough because home ownership defines adulthood. (Clearly the author doesn’t realize Justin Beiber owns property). And having someone else come fix my toilet? I’m not taking responsibility for myself… another sign of Princess Pan (she sounds like a bit of a boring bitch to be honest).

I thought I was single because I wanted to find someone who was my partner in life and wanted to share some experiences rather than shackling myself to the first dude with a job and a functioning wang.. another sign of that damn Princess Pan complex. If you’re an adult, you ‘make do’ .. which I think means I should have married the first guy I met off Match.com. The felon with the cross eyes and the big mole. Yep, he was the one. Well a bit of a ‘one’. I’ll get right on that…

And then there’s the worst offense. Holding yourself at the center of your universe. Hang on.. who should be there? If its not me, who should my life revolve around.. the husband and kids I don’t have? My job? The beardy guy in the sky? World peace? Hang on, I think even Bill Gates puts himself at the center of his universe just to get through the day and he’s pretty dedicated to solving some big problems. And while Mother Theresa might have spent her life dedicated to nursing the sick, the chica still wanted her people to live by her rules.  Find me anyone who doesn’t put themselves at the center of their universe.. just a bit.. who isn’t monk or a liar and I’ll eat my hat. (if I had one.. apparently hats are for grown ups too).

But finally, as I finish the article I find evidence that I might not – despite my non home ownership, single, rides a motorcycle and a bike, status – be a Princess Pan. Because apparently PP’s are cool.
Which I am, without pause, definitely not.
I care too much about what other people think, how my actions might make them feel and I’ve never worn a pair of skinny jeans without thinking that I look completely ridiculous.  I am no more mysterious than a glass of tap water and the idea that I’m a trend setter… well I think you might be able to hear my friends laughing hysterically at that idea if you turn down your Arcade Fire CD. I’m still listening to Bruce Springsteen, thank you very much.

So phew.. I might not actually be a Princess Pan. I might not be totally adult in some people’s eyes but at 41, I think to most people I’m pretty grown up. Now excuse me but I need to go take my vitamins and get my power walk in before it gets too hot.  I’ll focus on ‘growing up’ a bit later.

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