Welcome to the friend zone

 Welcome to the friend zone

We’ve all done it and we’ve all been in it, yes the dreaded friend zone. One person is ‘in love’ while the other considers you a good buddy to hang out with. One of you spends the evening picking through each sentence, high five or conversation topic in the hope of finding some romantic inclination, while the other simply enjoys a solid evening with a good friend. Its not mean, its not deliberate but it sucks none the less.

Am I in the ‘zone?

Maybe you have a good friend who is fun, easy going and attractive but in a brother or sister kind of a way. He or she is always available for a last minute drink or a movie, is always in a good mood and doesn’t ask anything of you. You can talk about anything from football to the last person you slept with and you always have a laugh. That tight look on their face you occasionally catch? Its not work, lack of sleep or PMS.. its the look of one who’s waiting for you to realize that you guys are perfect for each other.

Alternatively, if you’re good friends with someone who you find madly, insanely attractive, are willing to drop things last minute to spend time with them, bask in their attention but have never ever received any sexual advances.. well, you know it.  Pull up a chair my friend, you’re gonna be here for a while. And no, you don’t just have to wait a little while. S/he’s never going to wake up one day- like in that movie- and suddenly realize that you belong together. You’re a buddy – nothing more.

But I’m happy in the ‘zone!

I put one guy in the friend zone after our 3rd date. He was really nice, fun and pretty good looking in a tucked in, matching shoes and belt way. A bit straight for me and so mid way into our 3rd date I realized he’d never be unhooking my bra and throwing me around the bedroom. Yeech.  I’d rather chat with him about mortgages and bike racing. So I zoned him. I told him we were better as buddies and I thought he got it. We hung out, we went for coffee, we rode bikes and we chatted about our romantic life. Unfortunately he’d watched one too many chick flicks and he spent the next 10 years hoping he’d get a second chance some day.
I think he finally realized he was permanently zoned when I married his best friend.
If you’re happy in the ‘zone – awesome – just don’t kid yourself. S/He’s never changing their mind.

Can you get out of the ‘zone?

I spent my teenage years in the friend zone with a guy. I obsessed about him from the age of 13 right into my early 30s. We hung out, we were friends. And I loooved him with the passion that only comes from knowing that he just didn’t see me like that. I was his buddy as he dated several of my friends, through college and late night drinking sessions, and even post college. We both were in relationships but I still had some hope that one day.. maybe.. he’d break me out of the zone and we’d get a chance. He’d finally see me for the perfect match that he’d been looking for..Well I am a tenacious bitch and it took about 17 years, but for one glorious night, he finally let me out of the friend zone.

In hindsight, kind of a let down. Kind of icky actually.

I probably should have stayed in the zone. Instead I have a mental picture its taken me 10 years to try to forget. Sometimes you’re in the friend zone for a reason. And complete lack of physical, emotional and sexual compatibility would be that reason. Yep… still trying to forget that one.

I want out!!

You can Google ‘getting out the friend zone’ and  there are approximately 66 million results. Yes. 66. Million. And I have the answer for just the small, one time payment of $39.99. Actually its free.

Walk away…. stop hanging out, stop being the ‘fluffer’ or the friends-without-benefits
Wait a long time… 10-15 years should be enough to forget your funneling/ farting contests
Come back… make contact casually. NO grand gestures or you’re a stalker
Don’t be a buddy…be a date.  That doesn’t involve beer, 15 friends or their boyfriend/girlfriend

And yes, you might.. just might.. make it out of the friend zone. But be careful of what you wish for. The zone is there for a reason, even when neither of you knows what it is.  And wouldn’t you rather be with someone who hasn’t seen you drunk in holey sweatpants?

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