Dating: When you’d rather be watching Top Chef
I’ve found lately that even though a cute guy pings me to start chatting, and even if we exchange a few emails, the desire and hope to actually go on a date seems to be diminishing. Back when I was first dating again, post divorce, I remember thinking that every guy who emailed me, who I chatted with or who I kissed could potentially be ‘the guy’, and I was beside myself with excitement for every first date. These days the main challenge is trying to imagine there is ‘a guy’ never mind ‘the guy’, and first dates are tedious. Interviews for non existent jobs with attractive men who you might… might one day get to see naked. Meh.
This was never more apparent than this week when I was chatting with someone on the phone and trying to arrange a date. Nothing about the conversation said ‘wow’ but nor did it scream ‘freak’… with the end result that when it actually came to scheduling the date I wasn’t driven or repulsed by the idea. It was all kind of a ‘meh’. I honestly couldn’t be bothered.
It was a first.
I momentarily celebrated my passage into ‘not caring’ and then freaked out wondering if this was simply the beginning of cat collecting and my ‘golden girls’ years.
Which got me thinking. Have I passed from ‘hopefulness’ into ‘resigned cynic’, or was it simply that this guy didn’t light any kind of fire for me? All I do know is that faced with ‘watching the Tour De France’ highlights or a date, I chose my sofa and Paul Sherwin. Which doesn’t say much for the guy. Or maybe more about my love of men in lycra charging up the Alps?
But what if he was ‘the guy’ and I just couldn’t be bothered to spend an hour with him? (that’s my mother’s voice by the way). What if I’m getting too picky? (Mum again) What if he’s just not a great phone talker? (thanks Mum) Maybe in person he’d blow my socks off? (piss off).
Sure, maybe I’d spend an amazing evening with an incredible guy who’d become a lifelong friend. If we met, maybe there would be sparks of attraction and we’d not be able to make it through the evening without realizing that we’d found each other’s soul mates.
But …meh…probably not.
Frequency doesn’t breed contempt but it sure does make dating less emotionally charged.
And since I’ve only had a few – 2 or 3 – dates in my life which have led to any of the above scenarios.. the 40 other dates over the last 7 years have typically made me wished I’d stayed in and watched Top Chef. And with those odds, unless we’re clicking on some level via phone or email… well I’d rather watch someone do something with scallops.
Sidebar: Best line from the show ever; ‘ Its called Top Chef Jamie, not ‘Top Scallop’
Why bother to keep dating? Well working at home can be tedious and summer is when I’m definitely at my most outgoing. Plus I do love men.. and its been a year since I’ve had a meaningful ‘moment’ with one… so I’m definitely not lacking in desire. I miss having someone to play with and while I have a lot more friends that I used to, well I’m not into chicks. Boobs frighten me, especially when not contained and hidden. (how men deal is beyond me).
So yes, I keep dating because I do, actually, want to have a boyfriend one day. Eventually. You know, before I hit menopause. Because that’s how long it seems to be taking.
Yes, I could meet someone while I’m walking the dog, standing in line at Whole Foods or at the gym… but I never do. The only guy I’ve met by chance over the last few years was my mechanic, and while he’s hot, he seems to travel with a posse of blond chicks. Nuff said. So I keep clicking and meeting, chatting and trying to develop some friendships, hoping that one day I meet someone who can tolerate me for more than a few months and who I’d take over an episode of Top Chef any day.
You wouldn’t think it should be that hard. 7 years in to looking this summer and I’m starting to think that they’re going to be able write a Dan Brown novel about my search for a dude. Screw the De Vinci code.. how about ‘how to find a dude in Denver’ code?
Still, its hardly a tough project for the summer.. eat, drink and maybe I get to make out. Plus Top Chef is on hiatus until fall, so its not like I’ve got much else to do.