I’ve always been drawn to dudes of a certain age. No, nothing creepy or felony inducing, but dudes around my own age (give or take a year or two).
I’ve never seen the appeal of someone who has the same musical references as my parents or one who doesn’t know who The Cure were/are. And in case you’re wondering, no, Charlie Sheen.. never.
But it seems I’m part of a dwindling crew on this. Lately I’ve noticed friends of both sexes are really stepping outside the ‘same-ish’ age range to date dudes and chicas 10+ years older or younger than themselves.
I know, Demi and Madonna did it, Heff has been doing it for years and there’s no rule that says you have to date people of your generation, but to step into that world.. ewch.. it gives me the willies.
I once turned up for a first date with Ted. Ted was apparently 37 (I was 35), and into hiking. We decided to meet at a wine bar and as I sat waiting for him, I noticed a creepy old dude with yellow-gray teeth was leering at me from the end of the bar. I dismissed him as a weirdo and started compulsively checking my phone for news of Ted. Which is when the creepy old dude introduced himself.. and I realized that not all photos on Match.com are digital and taken in the last 10 years.
Ted was maybe in his late 50s, and despite his profile advertising his energetic pursuits, I don’t think he could have picked up my purse, never mind a backpack. Being British and compulsively polite, I agreed to ignore the obvious lie about his age and join him for a glass of wine.
(NOTE: I’m now much less British about such things).
As I sat sipping my wine and trying not to notice Ted’s nasal outcroppings, I noticed the name ‘Cheryl’ continually cropping up.
‘And Cheryl is….?’
‘My wife.. I mean, my ex-wife’
It turns out that Cheryl and Ted had been married for 30 years (astonishing..apparently they married at the age of 7 if Ted’s profile was to be believed), and the divorce was recent. Based on his conversation I estimated Ted must be, had to be, mid to late fifties and – gulp – I was on a date with a guy 20 years older than myself.
I couldn’t help but mentally picture naked Ted and downed half a glass of Merlot in one. My exit was record breaking.
How those women date Heff I will never know. I can only surmise that they don’t have to see him naked, sleep with him or they are all extremely short sighted. Yikes.. those testes must be at his knees by now.
But 5 years older, 8 years older… hmm.. I can see that not being such a bad deal. I’ve chased some fine aged cyclist butt in my day only to be surprised by the age of the guy under the helmet plus they’re delighted by any woman with a sex drive and they do have a confidence I find terrifically sexy (Ann, you lucky lucky woman). Of course finding such a guy – single, hot, fit and older- is a little more challenging. Most of the sampling I see at my local Ikea or Home Depot seems to have larger breasts than me, but I’m sure there are some out there. If only I rode fast enough to catch one…
On the other side of the fence is the ‘go younger’ crew. My sister championed this cause at an early age by marrying her boytoy (8 years younger), and several of my friends don’t seem fazed at all that their guy has barely crossed the ’30’ mark as they celebrate their 40th.
Of course my male friends don’t see the problem. Matthew Mcconaughey wasn’t wrong when he said ‘I get older, they stay the same age.’ For most of my guy friends, it seems to be the norm.. which was fine until they started hitting the Botox and Just For Men, while their companions still shop at Forever 21. I can see the appeal of naive, cellulite free hotness, but its starting to look icky now they’re all heading into late 40s. Would you want your girlfriend to be mistaken for your daughter? Yikes.
For me I’ve always found younger guys – more than 3 or 4 years younger – too ‘Beiber’ ish’ to be attractive. At 35, dating someone in their 20’s meant unlined faces which look like they don’t need to shave more than once a week and the beer chugging/football obsession still in full flight. No. Just No. Way too icky, like sleeping with a younger brother or finding ‘One Direction’ hot. Pervy and not in a good way.
But these days my definition of ‘younger guys’ is started to look a lot less young than they used to and many of them are already through their first divorce and even kids…at which point, I’m kind of the adolescent. The ‘younger guy’ I think is sexy has scruff, a career and (thankfully) no desire to funnel a beer.. plus they can still get it up, have it stay up and seem to know enough about what to do with it. And while they might not have grown up listening to my music, they’re also less likely to judge my tattoos, my bike or my predilection for enjoyment. (Though I do draw the line at shopping at Forever 21.)
Which I guess means I’m starting to feel less squeamish about the idea of dating outside my age range. I don’t want to be Heff or Madonna, but a few years either side of mine isn’t so indigestible these days.
Especially if you can bounce a quarter off their ass.