Words I can no longer say

Words I can no longer say

They’re not rude, no dictionary would define them as expletives and I know for sure they’ve come out of your mothers mouth on at least several occasions but for some reason there are several words which I can’t stand to utter.  They cause me to shudder with revulsion, gag and conjure up images no woman (or man), needs to possess deliberately.

I think we can all agree, no-one ever needs to say this word any more…

Moist. 

(physical reaction involving shaking and flapping of arms, gagging in the throat and mouth pulled back in an approximation of the Munchian scream). 

Moist.

The word conjures up for me an mental image of wet armpits, fat men in too tight chinos and, for some reason, a sun drenched sweating Stilton cheese. It screams of something more than damp, but less than wet. Warm. Fungal. Odorous.Dark and Vinegary. 

(pause for gagging)

I don’t know where the aversion came from since I’ve been wet, and dried out (and been all the stages in between), I’ve sweated and yes, I’ve experienced that ‘not so fresh’ feeling (thank YOU Summers Eve for planting that phrase in my head forever). But I refuse to ever be ‘m-t’. Nope. Not me. That’s for the folds of a 700lb women and pervs who like little girls. I don’t equate these things, but the word just conjures up these images. So yes, I think from now on things are wet, dry or damp. Nothing will ever be ‘m-t’. No one asks for  that level of detail, and frankly, if you do, I think there’s several sites and magazines for your special needs. 

The next one is particular to me (and other non Americans) who grew up with different words for things. And this word again, falls into the pervy land of men who like little girls and people who might themselves be a little ‘m-t’.

Panties

(shake out the arms, shudder a little, close eyes and rid myself of the need to take a shower).

You see in the UK, Australia and Canada the word is knickers. Yes, it might sound hysterical to you, but to us it means underwear. If not knickers, its pants. With an ‘s’ and no i. Pants (or knickers) can be shopped for in broad daylight, accidentally left on a boyfriends floor and generally fit the mental framework of ‘functional undergarments’. even lingerie is ok. Sounds lacy and fancy, but not pervy. But ‘panties’…… you just entered a world where grown women suck on lollipops, men furiously rub things under the desk (brass lamps?), and again, dudes in raincoats who hang around playgrounds. Its beyond infantile and its just so eurgh…I can’t think of the word without thinking I’m in a porno, and saying it out loud makes me feel like I’m dirty talking, even if I’m just looking for the lingerie department in Nordstroms.  No-one every bought used ‘knickers’ off the internet… it just wouldn’t sell… but panties.… yikes, quite the market apparently.

And finally my pièce de résistance..
Bulbous
Sure, it might not be part of your vocabulary, but every romance novel has rendered this word unusable for anyone under the age of 65.  The only application of this word involves genitalia (a word which sounds like it belongs in a hospital), and to be honest, is limited to one specific gender within that small subsection. I’m sure back in the day it was used all the time, but saying this word makes me immediately think ‘crotch’, which sends me back to ‘moist’.. and then I need to go lie down. 

What words make you cringe?

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