Now that eHarmony has told me that I need to move in order to find that special someone, I started to daydream myself across Monster.com
and I noticed that there are some insanely cool jobs out there. I mean – exciting stuff – for which I have absolutely no qualifications.
- VP of Social Networks and Community – basically find ways for people to connect to each other through stuff like Facebook.
- Chief Employee Engagement Lead – find ways to make employees happy… (as a job??? wow!)
- Senior Director of CEO Communications – the chance to be main puppeteer for a head honcho…
- VP of Global Change – growing an international business into South America.. (I can order a taco and I can shoot a 9mm.. I’m sure that’s applicable)
All of these jobs are out there and looking for candidates. But I don’t have the qualifications for any of these cool jobs and frankly, I’d be terrified to meet anyone who did, especially when I scan the actual requirements for the positions.
- 20 years corporate communications experience, 10 years supporting CEO of Fortune 50 company, 10 years working in international locations
- 15-20 years management consulting experience at top tier firm
- MBA or MA in communications, media relations or marketing
- Fluency in Spanish, French and Portuguese
- Must be willing to kick ass in 17 countries simultaneously
No, not scary at all. I mean really.. I have a good resume, but where do these people come from??? Have they had a day off since birth??
I’m an ex consultant.. we thrive on ‘figuring shit out’. I mean I didn’t know how to use a video camera last year and now our company has its own TV channel populated by videos that I made and edited. I conducted an entire relationship through text messaging and I read a great article on the cloud in the New Yorker a few months back…I could do this stuff couldn’t I?
I’ve helped clients built marketing systems that figured out who would buy a Ford Focus, and I once built a banking center in Minneapolis (despite my lack of ability to balance my checkbook). I’ve hired insurance adjusters, laid off accountants, reorganized medical technologists and even launched an organization or two.
How hard can it be to figure this other stuff out? Thats what YouTube is for.
This weekend I learned how to dig a root cellar and curl my hair.. I’m sure they’ve got something on ‘cloud’ building or recording a podcast. I know I could do this stuff… its just.. well … not on my resume because I haven’t already done it. I love learning… couldn’t they trust me to get it done?
Which is where the question of grey comes in.
I’m black and white person. There is a clear line of right and wrong, and lying on a resume is just … well wrong. And yes, I know that everyone expands their experience on their resume but to date, I’ve never put anything on an application that wasn’t 110% true.
I can’t…. its like my brain would explode with fear that my mother might find out and call my potential employer to let them know and also share that I’m really impatient and prone to swearing a lot. I’d love to pad my resume.. suggest that I have experiences that warrant me hirable for some of these sexy jobs out there… but my conscience won’t let me and I don’t think ‘haven’t done it, but know I could!’ is going to get me in the door. Maybe if I were selling encyclopedias… but not writing speeches for Senators.
So I’m stuck.. when I see these opportunities out there, just waiting for the taking I salivate and wonder.. how black and white do I really need to be these days? Surely grey is acceptable for some of this stuff that isn’t exactly rocket science. Its not like I’m saying I have experience with brain surgery… and really, how hard can it be? If I wanted to make a leap.. at 41 haven’t I earned the right to know my capabilities… ? Is grey really wrong?
Plus, how hard could Portuguese be?