Booty Call Retirement

 Last weekend as my brains oozed out of my ears and I welded myself to the sofa, I chanced upon that pillar of movie making genius ‘Booty Call’ and got to thinking (not words usually associated with that movie).

In case you’ve been under a rock for a while, the Booty Call (BC) is a relationship purely based on sex. No relationship. Its the ‘3 glasses of wine, I feel horny’ sex, the ‘old boyfriend sex’ or more likely these days ‘sex without strings’. I always thought it was kind of a sad state of affairs until I found myself divorced and in a year long break from dating. The BC was the answer to my occasional desires – no fuss, no hassle, clearly defined rules and when I found mine, deliciousness who came, did and left. He even brought his own Gatorade. Perfect.
My BC had excellent skills, was prompt, efficient and a fine looking dude. He was also completely open minded, a little insane and usually left me dazed and saited. We maintained our distant ‘if we’re both not doing anything’ schedule of once or twice a year and all was good. It was clear he wasn’t interested in anything else, I wasn’t either and so we went to Disneyland, shook hands, got on the rides then ‘same time next year’.

Except when the lines started to blur.

As I got to know him slightly (you can’t do these things in silence), and a friendship of sorts started to form, I started to see him differently. I mean, he was single, good looking, ambitious and seemed actually to be a nice guy. He showed some sensitivity, had a tough time there for a bit and it felt good to be his friend. Plus we already knew the sex was good. Hang on.. was this a BC or more?

Note to BC fans – Don’t go there.

I found myself thinking of him those months when we didn’t email or text or see each other. And even when dating other guys, I couldn’t help wonder why it had never been more than a BC. I know I liked him but we’d never even shared a drink, a meal or a single phone conversation. Why was that?  I know.. That’s a relationship – not a BC – but still.. couldn’t we be ‘more than’ ?

As we neared the 3rd year of this arrangement, things seemed to shift with him and I wondered if it was just me with these thoughts… (yes, roll your eyes.. I am that stupid), and decided to have it out the next time we met. No demands, no anything.. just the simple question of ‘why are we doing this?’ And ‘why are we doing just this?’

Needless to say if you’ve seen the movie ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’.. you can figure out how it went.

I was tired, I really wanted to connect and I finally was able to escape to meet up with him. I wanted nothing more than to just be next to someone and feel some connection. (In hindsight a BC probably wasn’t the best option, I should have stuck to a warm bath). But in my exhaustion I forgot the rules of the BC.. its actually just about sex.

Which became immediately apparent when he welcomed me with a crotch grab.
Reserved for professional footballers and dogs, the crotch grab isn’t really an international symbol of affection in any cultures I’m aware of. But I was tired and figured maybe it was something new he was trying. Maybe I’d start to get in the mood when we moved to the good stuff.
A BC is like a very fast date. A little flirtation, some seduction and then the rolling around starts. Unfortunately this was the day that we were supercharging the BC and jumping straight to the action – sans affection, compliments, pillow talk or flirtation. 

In an instant my ‘maybe this is more than a BC’ thoughts evaporated and I realized that all of our time together had truly been based solely on desire. Anything else was in my head. He didn’t care that I was tired, not in the mood or needed some time – that’s what relationships are for. This, the BC, really was just about sex.  Not flirting, seduction, affection, or connection…

Which is when I suddenly realized -never more clearly- that that’s the stuff I want.  I want all of it. The ‘I’m so tired that I can’t be bothered’ sex, the ‘maybe you can convince me’ sex, the ‘I don’t like you very much right now’ sex and of course, the ‘I’m ripping your clothes off the moment I see you’ sex…I want all of it. And a BC, even with a great guy,.. it doesn’t even come close.

It was clearly time to retire the BC.

My experience has been good for me. My BC taught me that you can have a lot of fun with relative strangers, and that great sex can be had outside the bounds of a relationship. I got to explore things I’ve never had the nerve to mention to a partner and officially had my mind blown on a few occasions. We’ve never been on a date, left the bedroom or talked on the phone, but he has helped me realize that just sex, even great sex, isn’t enough. I’ll miss our trysts but hopefully not for too long. Spring is finally here and it feels like a good time to re-enter the dating pool.

And he might want to rethink that crotch grab move for the next chick… just sayin’.

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