Armageddon in April

I am a regular reader of the Huffington post/ Daily Mail UK so I lately find myself informed/ alarmed at the potential for impending Armageddon led by that strange whey faced lunatic in North Korea. A man with a penchant for looking at things, Kim Jong-Un seems gung ho at escalating the tension (and potential for destruction) between North Korea and the rest of the world. Well, it seems to be on his bucket list at least.

Which has got me thinking about Armageddon.. or at least ‘what if?’

No, I’m not going to start hoarding sacks of rice or stocking up on bullets (though I do have a small armory in my nightstand, alongside the vibrators) but I have taken the first step to preparedness by putting all of my passports and ‘essentials’ into a Mylar envelope. (Hey, I can’t get into them without some swearing and scissors, maybe they are good protection for nuclear fall out?)

What are these essentials you ask?

Hmm.. now I’m looking maybe I need to rethink this. I’m not sure an expired insurance card for my car and my old Washington State drivers license is going to get me far.
I did add a Living Will that I half filled out online but which got me stumped when I had to describe my funeral. After spending 4 hours trying to decide which National song I wanted, (‘Murder me Rachael’ seemed ill timed and while I love ‘Brainy’, it seemed a little egotistical), I got mired in the ‘bequeathment’ of my worldly goods.
I’ve already told Hope she’s getting my 9 1/2 foot leather Chesterfield, even if she has to move to fit it in her house, but what about everything else? Who gets my Guzzi? or my ever expanding collection of spices and herbs? Since thats about all I own, I figured, hell Hope can get everything and called it good.

But lets look on the optimistic side since I am a glass half full type of chick. Assuming parts of the US were to get taken out, even all of them, and I survive..(because I’m so healthy and my genes are so excellent), then what?
 I have to hope I’ve carried my dog through all of that or that would have to be my first executive order as new leader of the smoldering US of A. Can’t go through life alone.. everyone needs a dog.  Then what….?

I guess after securing water sources, pitching my tent and shooting a deer (hey, what do you know? Being an excellent camper does come in useful!), I’d have time to catch up on some reading. But since my Kindle would be out of juice in about 5 hours (thank you Amazon.com for your declining quality via increased popularity) so I’d be hunting for material. Failing which I guess I’d have to start writing.  Maybe this Armageddon would actually get me off my butt to write that book I’ve been thinking about. Wow, suddenly the destruction of the world doesn’t seem that bad. Talk about motivation.

But after some time, say  a week or two, I’d probably need to talk to someone or start pondering my single status (its on a monthly cycle). Which means I’d start looking around for some friends of the male persuasion or maybe a bad ass chick (I’ll take comfort where I can if my mother isn’t around to judge). They’d had to be pretty cool (and nuts) to survive and this definitely would have eliminated those hair/nails/Housewives folks..But where to find such people? No electricity, no computer, no network, no community garden or workplace, classes or restaurants, bars or gathering places.

Damn.

Its the end of the world and I’m still trying to figure out how to meet people?
I guess some things never change.

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