Just in time for Valentines day…
For those who’ve been trapped under a cultural rock for the last 14 years, Dan Savage is the arbiter of all that is sensible and matter of fact in matters of sex, love and relationships. A columnist with Seattle’s ‘The Stranger’ newspaper (and syndicated all over the US), Dan also hosts a weekly podcast (‘Savage Lovecast’) that has been infecting my ears now for hundreds of episodes and has taught me a lot about things I needed to know, stuff I wasn’t sure actually happened and proclivities I never needed to learn about (‘sounding’ anyone?). I’ve listened to Dan through my 30s and now my 40s, and I wish that his advice was mandatory listening for everyone over the age of 21. It certainly would have saved me a lot of time, heartbreak and trips to the doctor. And I might have been able to make a better run at some of my paramours. Here’s some of what you’ve been missing.
Good, Giving and Game (GGG): Dan believes that anyone hitting the sheets who wants a repeat purchase, is responsible for being ‘GGG’. That is Good – or skilled – at what you’re doing; Giving – doing things which might be not be your favorite in order please your partner (and vice versa); and Game – up for trying new things within reason (and no, wearing a diaper isn’t reasonable for most people). Based on some of my experiences I’ve encountered more than a few guys who weren’t even a single ‘G’ (lots of Game.. not much else). And based on feedback I’ve had to work on at least one of these via step by step instructions (he was a HR guy who begrudgingly gave me a B+ and a diagram for future use). If you’ve got complaints in the bedroom, first consider whether you’re ‘GGG’ yourself. And no, twice a year with the lights off probably doesn’t qualify.
DTMFA: Otherwise known as ‘Dump The MotherF-r Already’. On occasion if you’re partner isn’t ‘GGG, you might need to DTMFA.The applications are too many to list, but generally revolve around selfishness, passive aggressive behavior and wanting to sleep with your mother and sister. I tend to think that if you’re more sad than happy when this person is around, it’s probably a case of DTMFA. Clearly I’m an old hand at DTMFA – I practically have it tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.
The Campsite Rule: ‘Leave it better than you found it’ also applied to people. Which means we’ve all got a duty not be screw up our partners through lying, cheating, stretching out their good underwear or having them find you experimenting naked with a hanger and the Cusinart. Especially applied to the young, inexperienced or the ‘not f-d up yet’, don’t be the man or woman, who ruins it for the next guy (or girl). Its a lofty goal. I’m sure I’ve left at least one guy with some permanent flinches though I hear he’s doing much better these days and he can actually wear a swim cap.
F-k First: My last and favorite, especially in light of tomorrow’s “holiday” (can you feel the scathing tone?). As many of you are heading out with plans for a large fois gras/ wine/ steak laden dinner, little thought is given to how you’ll feel by the time you get home and hit the hay for some loving. Not many people want to roll around when they’ve consumed an app, entree and their partners dessert, all washed down a bottle of Cab. By then most of us are cradling our food babies and hoping that he’s too tired to make the moves. According to Dan you’ve got it all wrong. F-k first – when you’re slightly hungry, sober(ish) and awake (and well before the food baby is conceived).. that way you can slide into the restaurant with a smug expression, worry free and ready to over-indulge to your hearts content.
And for those of you who want to hear more of Dan’s wisdom, have a question about your transgendered coworker or want to know how to handle that request to wear a diaper… check out the podcast. Your partner will be glad you did.