I will not be getting promoted (again)

 Its that time of year again, when your HR director sends out reminders and once again, you grit your teeth and try to remember what you did last year (outside of a startling consumption of coffee).
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’ve had the same job title now for over 10 years and despite year on year mumbling about promotion, its now less likely than my upcoming marriage to Edward Norton (no Mum.. that was a joke).

Why? Because I just can’t take it as seriously as everyone else. I love my job. I love my company (and no, there is no gun at my head), and I really enjoy the people I work with. But I just think most of the things I worry about, red lining documents through 13 iterations, re-edits at 11pm, Saturday morning CEO calls… well its just not that important. Some of it is downright silly. Evidence? Oh sit down for this…

Some of the activities I did this year as part of my job;

  • Videoed and edited my executive leadership team singing the 12 days of Christmas
  • Spent a few hours researching words in every language which ‘imply connectivity, coming together, spider web-ish, networked’ in order to name a document
  • Hosted a photo shoot for a newly slim male senior executive who didn’t want a fat picture in the corporate yearbook (and yes, I had to utter the words ‘look at me over your shoulder’)
  • Found a way to not mention gay people in a corporate communication about supporting gay people
  • Taught my boss and several senior executives how to Skype each other
  • Tried to get a donation from NPR
  • Informed a junior resource that ‘fit people’ weren’t an ethnic group..
  • … and neither were ‘fat people’
  • Asked 3 interns to stop their parents calling me with their HR questions
  • Educated senior executives on the concept and use of a calendar
  • Provided coaching to an executive who claimed ‘everybody hates me no matter what I say’
  • Ran alongside the CEO taking notes as he walked and smoked a cigar
  • Endured a ‘lady date’ with a non English speaking female executive, who after 3 drinks asked me how to meet men in Denver

Its a bizarre job. Its ridiculously fun sometimes, but I think I knew my career was over the day I was brushing dandruff off an executives neck before he took the stage at a conference.
Wonder if I can include that in my self review?

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