Recently I noticed that the word ‘sin’ has no antonym in the English language. Since this is my blog and I rule this land, I’ve decided that we need an alternate, a softer gentler, kinder cultural reference point. So today I bring you the 7 awesome attributes. I invite you all to covet these attributes, nurture and encourage their growth. After all, everyone has a bit of awesome in them. You just need a new frame of reference.
Starting with my favorite, lust is the word we commonly use to express intense desire. And to this, I say ‘hell yeah’ ladies. If you can muster it, especially after a heavy meal, a day with the kids or a 10 hour day at the office, indulge it. We were all filled with it at 16, so this attribute has been missing from your vocabulary for more than a month, then I command yea to get thee to Fascinations. Or at least rent Magic Mike. If tall dark and broody floats your boat, Colin Firth in ‘Pride and Prejudice’ is famous for a reason. Of all of my awesome attributes, Lust is the most vital… if you don’t nurture intense desire for something (man, woman, dog).. you are missing out on life. And no, a new sofa or a red velvet cupcake don’t count.
A most ugly word for a wonderful experience. That moment at Thanksgiving when you realize that you need to unbutton your jeans and burp in order to fit in more potatoes. That sigh 3/4 of the way through the molten chocolate cake as you lick the fork. The sound of the cork popping on that 2nd bottle of wine. Many of us are quick to remove all the joy of overindulgence by lamenting the dessert and running to the gym instead of reveling in that porcine feeling of overstuffed satiation. There aren’t many true delights after 35, and gluttony is one that everyone should indulge on occasion. After all, no-one felt at peace with the world after a spinach salad.
Sloth should follow gluttony (nothing like a nap after some turkey), yet sloth or laziness is rarely part of a 40 year old’s life. If we’re not running to and from work, to and from school, juggling gym bags, groceries and dry cleaning, we’re baking cup cakes for baby showers or school events at 10pm and trying to remember what we’re doing in Target on Sunday morning. Spending an afternoon on the sofa reading a book is for the sick, the hungover or people under 18. Where did sloth go? I remember it featuring heavily in my teens and even the weekends of my 20s, but these days sloth is akin to wearing grey sweatpants or eating food at the grocery store.We’re kind of disgusted by it and we disparage those who indulge. I say YES to sloth. Take the day off from life. That workout or dirty bathroom will still be there tomorrow. NOTE: Sloth may include but is not limited to mid afternoon naps, reading In Touch magazine, watching infomercials while lying with a bucket of popcorn on your stomach or lying in the sun.
Otherwise known as covetousness or desire for stuff, greed is underrated. Greed is what got the cave man out of the dark and onto some wheels.. he wanted something. The US is built on greed (religion didn’t make anyone want to work at Safeway), and so greed is good. Want Beyonce’s ass? Then you start working out. Want an annual holiday to Hawaii? Then you start saving. Want to be a Real Housewife? Well, you got me there… Desiring stuff is the only reason we work. Or we’d all be living in a yurt in Idaho, milking goats and living on cheese. Whether you want to admit it or not, greed makes you, you. It drives most of the the decisions you make (where to live, what to drive, what you wear, what you ride) and ultimately how you live your life. Of course if wanting stuff becomes your only attribute, you probably need to consider a life of crime. Stuff is expensive. Plus stuff requires space.. which is why they invented storage.
An insatiable desire for others stuff. If your desire for stuff turns into a desire for your neighbors stuff, well that’s envy. And hey, I say go for it. As long as your desire for Julie’s 4Runner doesn’t lead to you jacking her car on I70, envy creates motivation. And since there are enough 4Runners for everyone (‘everyone gets a caaaaaaaaaaaar’), well a good dose of envy can give you a goal, a focus point and even a purpose. Of course if there are limited resources – your friend only has the one husband – you might want to point that envy somewhere less ..um.. damaging, but otherwise envy away. One piece of advice: Living your life with the sole pursuit of attaining Jennifer Aniston’s hair isn’t a life purpose. And no matter what you do, you’re not getting Ron Jeremy’s dick.
Our final awesome attribute, leaving the best until last, is good old anger. Rage isn’t something that most women are comfortable with and those who are, tend to find themselves locked up with murder one convictions. But a healthy dose of rage is missing from most our lives. We’re taught from an early age to sit on the feelings. In the immortal words of Marge Simpson, ‘ Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down past your knees, until you’re almost walking on them. And then you’ll fit in, and you’ll be invited to parties, and boys will like you. And happiness will follow.’
No so much. So, next time an idiot in a BMW cuts you off, someone eats your secret stash of cookies or arrives half an hour late.. notice that feeling bubbling up in your chest?.. yep.. that’s rage. And it needs a new home. Outside. And if it doesn’t get out.. it causes cancer. So if you need to curse under your breath, give someone the finger, yell along to Kelly Clarkson at top volume or punch the steering wheel.. go ahead (avoid the airbags). You’re curing cancer here.
Just try not to resort to physical violence or indulge rage with your boss…being angry is good, being unemployed sucks.
There you have it. 7 gems for your week. So next time someone berates you for eating too much, sleeping too late or honking your horn.. know that you’re just exploring your awesome.