According to my mum, my friends, every Sex in the City episode ever screened and, sadly, even my boss.. ‘men are everywhere’. Yes, why yes, they are. However meeting one or developing a friendship with one to the point where you’d like exchange more than witty banter is downright hard after 40. It not like rocking up to the bar on a Thursday night like you used to. If I hang out at a bar everyone wonders whether I’m nursing an alcohol addiction. Trying to meet new people is more tricky than you’d imagine. Its the only reason behind why so many of us resort to match.com.
Some of the places you might think as fruitful for future lovers…um… not so much.
At Work. Since I work from home, my ‘at work’ chance encounters are limited to the UPS guy, the Fed Ex guy and anyone I meet in Chipotle at lunchtime. Limited doesn’t even begin to describe it for me. But for most chicks, work can be a great place to meet guys as long as your company hires men under the age of 50 and you don’t work in the prison system. Be aware that the hottest guys work in marketing and sales, HR is always bitches and gays, IT is always married or basement dwellers, and operations people work too hard to date. Best chances for a date are on the manufacturing floor or the visiting consultants. Dress accordingly. Rating B
Running Errands. Now is not the time for you to meet anyone. Any man who finds the typical errand running ‘look’ attractive is probably rocking a grey sweat-pant and likes to hang out in Walgreens. Not anyone’s key demographic. On TV the grocery store might be a hot bed of glances and flirtation, but for you, treat it as a military operation – get in, get out, get on to something more interesting. And no, yoga pants don’t make any difference. Rating C-
Cycling: No. If your varicose veins don’t keep them away, the sight of your damp crotch and bright red face will finish off any lustful dude you might encounter on the road. Even my ex thought I was hideous on a bike and he liked me. Unless you one of those blessed people who ‘glow’ or you stand regularly on a podium, wait until after you ride. Rating D
Walking the dog: Now this actually has potential. You’re fully clothed, your dog likes people and you’re rarely moving at warp speed so you can actually see who you are talking too. I tend to chat with complete strangers every day when I’m out with my dog and I’ve had the first date ‘interview’ on at least a few occasions. Of course you will be judged on what your dogs appearance says about you, which means most guys think I’m slightly retarded, but if you have a pretty dog, go for it. Rating A-
Church: I can’t really speak to this from personal experience, but I’ve heard that this works for a lot of people. The exit from my local church does somewhat resemble a sit-com audition so maybe if you chose your church carefully, its a possibility to get down in the pews and exchange meaningful glances. Since the last church I went too was populated exclusively by 70yr old grey haired ladies, not for me, but if you like sanctified meat.. they are held captive for 90 minutes every Sunday. I recommend Lutheran if you’re into blonds who will appreciate your womanly hips and Episcopalian if you’re into WASPs who like the missionary position. Rating B-
Charity events: My friend Hope assures me that this can be a lucrative place to meet guys of a certain age and income. Those who attend who aren’t married or gay, tend to be aggressively hunting. Bachelor auctions, wine tastings and anything around running marathons attracts the young and healthy. Avoid terminal disease functions or anything hosted by someone called Muffy unless your demographic is octogenarian. Oh and be aware, silent auctions while drunk may result in you carting $2500 worth of wine home on the bus. Leave the credit card at home next time. Rating A-
House and Dinner Parties. If you regularly attend either of these events as a couple, you are probably under the impression that this is how single people meet these days. Yes it is. We meet married people. The only time a single person is invited to a dinner party is to even up numbers, replace a late drop out or as part of the floor show. House parties run in a similar vein. Every host can be confident that your single person is getting blotto drunk and dancing hysterically as the evening wears on. Plus your average single person always has good stories, doesn’t expect anyone to take them home and sends great apology gifts. On the rare chance that you do meet another single person at either of these functions know that this is the only other single person the host knows and they’ve not been especially selected for you. Be cautious. He’s likely a shut in depressive recent divorcee.. and you don’t need yet another one of those. Rating C.
Chance meeting. This might include the guy you hit with your car, the guy who ran you down in the parking garage or even the guy who tipped his Starbucks over you. The commonality? You’re not in your apartment and some pain and embarrassment is involved (typically yours). I’ve met an assortment of guys by chance. Cycling into a river, being hit in the face by a ski and during an endoscopy. Don’t rule out the chance meeting.. the ‘meet cute’. Of course you’re probably bleeding or sedated, but hey, as long as you have clean underwear on and you can remember your phone number, go for it! Rating A+
So there you have it. The typical ways someone over 40 meets guys.
Now do you understand why we’re all on Match.com?