The 40ish Guide to dating a cyclist: The Benefits

Those who know me understand my declared preference for dating cyclists, however few join me in my obsession for Lycra clad skinny guys.  Today I wanted to share some of the benefits to dating a cyclist so you, too, can share in the delights.

The body: Starting with the most obvious benefit of any exercise, most cyclists who venture out on a regular basis are hard-bodies. Now not to be confused with Papa Joe riding his cruiser round the park on a Sunday, a true cyclist can boast a body fat percentage in the single digits, a butt you could bounce a walnut off and the arms of a waifish teenage girl (big arms just interfere with your aerodynamics on a bike). Many rock a 6 pack well into their 50s, most have calves of granite and every single one of them has thighs you could tap dance on. True, the cycling pros tend to cross over from lean to scarily veined anorexics who you could drop kick with your Manolo’s, but find yourself an amateur weekend Cat 3 racer and you’ll never see a man boob again. Believe me, many male cyclists wear Lycra for no reason other than they can and most would probably achieve more poontang if they just abandoned clothes altogether. If you like hard butt, please form a line behind me.

The stamina: Cycling (not to be confused with racing) is a boring sport to partake in. Up to about 40 miles (2 hours) it can be fun. You’re seeing new places, getting in a good workout and piling down a hill, slightly out of control, takes you back to being a kid. After 40 miles, cycling is work. Rhythmic, grinding, leg pumping work. Add in some hills, a little altitude and a headwind, and you’re asking for a level of stamina and focus that even the most boring 4 hr meeting doesn’t demand. Cyclists have insane stamina to keep on pushing the cranks and a remarkable ability to focus on the end point. A good trait to have in a man who’s going to be …um… exercising with you. Sting might be able to have tantric sex for a couple of hours, but your average cyclist can plug away for half the day and barely break a sweat.

The gear love: Cyclists love gear. Show me a cyclist and I’ll show you at least 4 bikes in the garage, a workbench full of tools and enough spare parts to build a Chevy. Add in the specialized clothing, shoes, helmets and food stuffs, all of which get renewed and improved upon every year and, well, you’ll never run out of things to use as bribes. Cyclists are obsessed with finding and trying to new, improved, better, redesigned versions of shit they already have in the quest to improve their performance. This love of  gear and his never ending search for tools bodes well for the bedroom. Wanted to try new things in bed? New toys, positions or places? (heck even new people!) This is the guy who will take it on like a champ (and then discuss and rate it on a forum later). While this might be off-putting to some who are mentally picturing a never ending search for perfection, don’t be. Most cyclists only change out their main bike every few years, by which time he’ll have relegated you to the ‘classic’ part of the garage and never part with you.  

The ‘fuck off’ clause:  Most cyclists have a deep seated desire to always be riding. Anytime the sun is shining and its above 45 degrees, your cycling nut job will be hankering to be out on his bike. Any time not spent out on the bike is meted out to satisfy the wife/family/kids/job requirements and ensure peace.While this can cause resentment from those who need to spend their weekends and evenings with their loved ones, for those of us who get claustrophobic, the cyclist is your perfect mate.  Not only do you get all the time you need to yourself but you get be the ‘good guy’ by suggesting he’d rather be riding. Instead of grinding your teeth at the sound of his breathing, suggest that he might enjoy a ride and say hello to a day, annoyance free. He comes home full of endorphins and you’ve spent the afternoon getting a mani/pedi. Win-win.

So there you have it, a few of the attractions of cyclists. Tomorrow, some of the challenges of dating a cyclist. 

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