Pill popping

There is nothing good about aging except avoidance of dying.

Don’t let anyone tell you different. Sure there is wisdom (don’t dial drunk, don’t cut off all your hair after getting drunk/dumped/divorced, don’t mix scotch and wine.. hmm sensing a theme). And there potentially might be life mates, kids, mortgages, vacations and good days in work. But there is also credit card debt, an appreciation for the days when you could eat Taco Bell, forgetting names of men you dated 10 years ago (and last month) and pills… lots of pills.

No-one told me that along with an appreciation for costume dramas, age would mean the need to take pills every day for multiple ‘ailments’, syndromes and diseases. And that’s before we get to the preventative pills, aimed at reducing the additional number of future pills you might have to take. I used to have a bottle of pain killers. I now have a pill drawer.
I don’t seem to recall taking anything except Motrin up until the age of 30 and that was mainly to counteract the aforementioned mixing of scotch and wine. I was never a recreational pill popper, so how did I suddenly end up carrying around one of the fussy plastic ‘days of the week’ pill cases? In fact, due to my elevated levels of anxiety stemming from – daily life? – I actually now have two pill boxes.. you know.. in case I suddenly get kidnapped and need to maintain my thyroid levels during my two week captivity. Lord knows what I’d do after that ran out.. get sleepy, irritable and fat?
My wallet even has an optional ‘pill carrier’ in it, (apparently the purse is multi-generational – pill sleeve suitable for Ecstasy OR Imodium.) I find single tabs of pills for migraine, IBS and allergies in every purse I own, and god help me if my roller case ever got searched – drug mules would stand in awe at the volume of meds I can fit into a sneaker toe.

As much as I might resent being tethered to my pill case, I actually find a new interest in discovering drugs I don’t yet need to take, but which might be potentials down the road. Mother not loving her cholesterol tabs? Note down the ones she does like. Friend really responding to her antidepressants? Add to the list. Hear about a new blood thinner in development? Make note to see if it passes FDA approval before you hit 60.

On a good note,  I no longer seem as tied to ‘creams’ or ‘lotions’ as I was in my teens. After 20 years my acne is finally given up the ghost and my eczema disappeared after that dose of steroids I had back in 2008. It makes travel way more convenient (my bags rattle rather than ooze) and somehow dates never want to actually explore your pills once they discover that none of them make me more interesting. No matter how you play it, blood thinners just aren’t sexy.

I might not have accumulated much wisdom in my 40-ish years but my collection of pills would thrill Damien Hurst and I’ve recently see a plexiglass pill ‘art wall’ on Etsy going for $3300. If this writing thing doesn’t work out, maybe I can put my unused Aleve to work.

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