No, this post isn’t going to involve the words ‘three way’ or ‘naked’ and there certainly won’t be any references to catholic school girls or ‘Wild Things’. Get your pervy self over to a different blog for that. Today I’m talking platonic lady crushes.
Picking up my theme from earlier this week, as a non girlie girl, I was immune to any desire to braid hair or do sleepovers as a kid, but I seem to have made up for it with more than my fair share of lady crushes. No.. we’re still not talking pillow fights. This is more of the ‘wow she is SO awesome’ ‘I wish I could be more like her’ overall awareness that there are some rocking women out there. And that the silent voice in my head which always says ‘ I know we’d totally be friends if she knew me’. Of course somehow this always translates to me acting like the original ice maiden, blurting out something totally rude or generally acting like your average dumbstruck 13 year old fan boy. But I continue to crush on them from afar and one day.. I just know we’ll be BFFs.
1. The ‘goddess’ crush. This one is obviously something every guy can relate to and funnily so can most women. The women with the insane body part we want for ourselves. Since every woman has a favorite and least favorite ‘bit’ so we tend to notice perfection of that ‘bit’ in others. We rarely look at the entire body and say ‘I want that’ (unless we’re that way inclined and again, that’s not my bag), but give us a buff deltoid, a high tight butt or a shiny head of thick straight hair and we’re in full on crush. Typically women crush on a goddess’s body part and you can catch the evidence in every changing room, during many drunken evenings and always after a particularly bad date;
‘I’d kill for your waist’
‘If I had your butt, I’d be rocking skinny jeans right now’
‘Oh your boobs are ridiculous.. just ridiculous’
Of course as we get older the complements tend to slow down and goddess crushes fade as gravity brings all of our bits lower, looser and altogether less important in our daily lives. When you’re just grateful for nothing to overflow, burst out or drop off, physical perfection becomes, well, not that critical. But that’s not to say our lady crushes end. No sir.. then we move onto the Professional crush.
|The uber professional: Hilary|
2. The ‘professional’ crush. Any women who’s ever had a job (so that would be everyone basically except those Housewife ho’s), has had a professional crush. She might be your coworker, your boss or just someone you work with tangentially. You might never have met her outside of the pages of Time magazine, but you know her. The one with absolute confidence, the surety of knowledge, the constant aura of cool and calm. She might power suit up or rock the jeans but she’s respected by everyone and she’s definitely out of your league. She seems to balance complete professionalism with approachable friendliness but never gets too close. She’s too busy being awesome and accomplishing professional goals you left to die back in college. You don’t have the energy, the dedication or the temperament to be her, but wow.. you sure would like to have at least some of ‘that’, whatever it is. She’s your Hilary, your Oprah, your Meg Whitman or Ginni Rometty. Or maybe just the new VP down the hall. You don’t want her frown lines or schedule but you’d just love some of her professional wattage.
3. The ‘cool chick’ crush. My final and most devastating crush, the one we’ve all had over and over again. The cool chick is the girl whose proximity somehow made us more confident, more together, funnier and who was just a blast to be around. Back in school, your cool crush might have been tied to the girl who smoked cigarettes, saw bands you’d never heard of and scouted the rules while locking down straight As’. Today she might be the woman with the snappy come back, the smart sense of humor or the ‘don’t give a damn’ attitude. She might have outrageously awesome hair, an eclectic wardrobe or just drive a truck, but damn, she’s cool. If she’s not off to NYC shopping, she’s learning to surf in Costa Rica, driving to Arizona to camp in the desert or taking herself out to eat lobster, ‘because its Tuesday’. And while you know being cool means nothing after the age of 15, you can’t help but crush out as your inner voice lectures you on why she’d think you’re a complete nerd and you’re probably never going to be friends even though you totally think that you’d get along.
I’ve tried to be cool by myself but my desire to be in bed by 9pm and an abject fear of saying the wrong thing tends to keep me firmly in dork-dom. The cool chick crush is my proxy. Maybe by proximity to her some of it will rub off and I’ll be able to eat out alone without breaking into a cold sweat, take that road trip or finally stand up to my mother. Then again, she’s a crush. Not a miracle worker.
These days I don’t question why I still see some women and feel completely in awe. Why one chick’s complement makes me shine or a night out with a lady crush or two can equal a good dude date (I said equal, not better.) I don’t want to jump around with any of my crushes in my underwear or ‘rub the lotion on their skin’, but my god, I silently adore them from afar. They do and say the things I wish I could do but they never inspire envy, just awe. And these days anyone who can inspire me, make me laugh and feel good about myself without the possibility of an STD, well that’s just awesome.