In the words of Bjork.. its oh so quiet…

I think Bjork said it best…

It’s. oh. so quiet
it’s oh. so still
you’re all alone
and so peaceful until…

you fall in love
zing boom
the sky up above
zing boom
is caving in
wow bam
you’ve never been so nuts about a guy
you wanna laugh you wanna cry
you cross your heart and hope to die

’til it’s over and then
it’s nice and quiet
but soon again
starts another big riot

you blow a fuse
zing boom
the devil cuts loose
zing boom
so what’s the use
wow bam
of falling in love

I kicked off my 40th year with a 36 hour make out session with a wanna-be cowboy. I will end this year in cowboy country, but this time, a 36 hour girl-fest. No mother, I’m not finally coming out. But I have committed to new years eve a whole 6 weeks before the event with a girlfriend with friends in fancy places (yay for connected friends).
6 weeks though.. its a time frame I wasn’t even sure existed until today. I barely made plans for my 40th birthday and even then it caused such anxiety I could barely swallow the champagne, (though it was amazing what will power and latent alcoholism can overcome). But I digress..

Based on New Years Eve 2011, I had expected that my year was simply starting off with a bang boom (pe Bjork) quickly followed by the cowboys disappearance and the return to quiet. And it did get quiet.. ridiculously quiet for a woman with a pulse, no obvious deformities and a size 4 butt. I couldn’t get a date if I stood on the corner with a sandwich board. Which match.com really is, but I had sworn that 2012 would be ‘match-free’. Why??? well thats a whole other book.. but I resolved I’d find a mate through more conventional means (and without resorting to a sandwich board). As I headed in July I realized that I hadn’t been taken out for dinner by a man since 2010 and threw caution and $39.99 to the wind. Match.com v3.0. 4 weeks later I was meeting a man at the airport and swiftly diving into love.  It was crazy, intense, moving, passionate.. my heart literally vibrated when I saw him or we waved to each other over Skype. When it ended.. noone wanted to die, but man, it sure got quiet again quick. And nursing some wounded feelings in silence isn’t good for anyone.

Its not as though I mind the quiet times too much – lord knows I’ve been divorced for 5 years- there have been plenty. I calculated that since the age of 18 when I started dating (22 years ago.. no wonder I’m jaded), I’ve literally only been in a ‘relationship’ for about 8 of those years. That’s 16 years of singledom and sporadic dates. No wonder I’m fucking exhausted and slightly bored.

So here I am, its November and I can’t face another man-shopping expedition on Match.com. I know I’m unlikely to meet anyone while sitting in my apartment but there are only so many hours I want to spend at the gym, the yoga studio, the gun range, the bookstore or walking the dog. And what if my potential mate doesn’t have a dog, doesn’t work out or doesn’t read? I’m too old to start manufacturing an interest in the Broncos or hanging out in bars. If I hang out in a bar, dudes think I’m a lush. And if I’m sitting at the bar for a few hours, I am probably becoming one.

My key to sanity? Knowing that in 3 days or 3 months or even 3 years I’ll be back on the roller coaster, craving a night in and some quiet time. So for now.. I try to remember that the zing boom is just around the corner.. and try to enjoy the quiet.

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