Low expectations, high hopes. Dating at 40.


After 5 weeks on Match.com, the daily check-in was starting to become a chore. 
Like, Don’t Like, Maybe, Maybe, Are You Crazy. F-No!!
Who’s been looking at me? Scan, scan, click, ‘3+ kids…@#?!!’ Next.

Ah the joy of online dating.

Don’t get me wrong, after 74 emails from a variety of ‘not too shabby’ guys (skipping over the random notes from 57 year old guys who called me ‘a super gal’), I was pleasantly surprised. What had looked like a wasteland a few years back (as we transitioned from the ‘got to find a mate for mating’ to the ‘thank god I’m not married any more’ to the ‘maybe I actually want a girlfriend again’. The hair was thinner, the stomach’s no longer approximating a washboard and expectations on all fronts significantly lower (‘if you like grabbing a pizza and watching some tv, we’ll get along just fine’. Not that we’ve given up, but after 40, when the frenzy to procreate has subsided or in already in full swing with the partnered up, the definition of a desirable relationship changes.  The occasional dinner, someone who knows a little about a variety of things, and someone who can make you laugh (with, not at him). A late night ‘end of the day call’ and maybe one day, someone who doesn’t mind your proclivity for leaving tea bags in the sink.Yes, dating at 40.. definitely different. 

I’m not alone. I’m joined by my fellow match-ers ‘the happy divorcee’, ‘the never married but not sure why’, ‘the over-therapied’ and ‘I found him but he found someone else’. Oooo we’re a fun crew! Thankfully at 40, no-one expects to find George Clooney lurking underneath the dim snapshot in a bar, the shaggy grey beard or the ‘atop a mountain’ pose that at a range of 30 ft, could be a man, a woman or even a wooky, who can tell. So with expectations bouncing along the ground, we peruse, we click, we ponder and we groan. And maybe, sometimes, we’re delighted and amazed that someone hasn’t already snatched up this gem, (or let him get away). And that’s 40. Bruised but still hopeful.

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