After 11 years of downward dogging, my doctor measured me on Tuesday and pronounced me 3/4 inch taller than my last physical. Now any exercise that stops my ass from sliding further down my legs AND apparently makes me taller is my kind of exercise…even if it has taken 11 years.
So in response, here is my ‘Ode to Yoga’. The only exercise where crotch sweat is ok and lying down with your eyes closed is considered an important part of it.
Dearest Yoga I bow to thee
You make me bend fantastically
swan diving over gracefully
While farting so discretely
Wobbling with delicacy
1 leg outstretched, bent at the knee
with arms spread wide so joyfully
Falling slowly sideways, yes that’s me.
Warrior pose number 3
Clearly an impossibility
Camel just makes me want to pee
Eagle pose, I disagree
Oh how I would love to be
A LuLumon devotee
But in leggings and a cropped t
I resemble a manatee
11 years on and I fail to see
how yoga made me 5ft 3
but downward dog, plank and tree
calmed my mind and set me free
If hippy chants improve my chi
and help me think more clearly
Add abs and buns of steel then oui
Yoga I remain, your devotee.